January 20 2012

That was yesterday. It was one of the best days I have ever had.

I have to say, when I was in my darker state a few weeks ago, I remember thinking out loud to myself that I would not feel those random bursts of happiness for a long time. I wouldn’t feel “infinite” again, that feeling when you just can’t find one thing that could get you down and your heart soars, for years. It’s only been a few weeks. But I felt it yesterday. And we weren’t even in Disneyland yet. It was on the bus ride there. And I felt it again later, and again. 

(I love when I notice myself getting better. It feels amazing. It does. I have a future to look forward to and amazing friends to be around and kpop to come home to. I’m content with my life. It feels awesome.)

So yesterday began kind of iffy, I was worried because Jeremy (who was in my second period class) didn’t know if he could leave or not while I had gotten a pass, so I waited with him until our classroom was called to tell us the bus was waiting and everyone was already on!

But I didn’t feel iffy as soon as I got back on the bus because I saw everyone and they all said hi to me and said they were worried about me. I took my seat next to Elizabeth and the bus started, and the ride to Disneyland was shuper fun >w< Sleeping Beauty was playing, but I was either talking to Elizabeth the whole time or listening to music while she tried to sleep. That was when I felt that feeling - I turned on the song “The Heart of Life” by John Mayer and it just fit so perfectly with the warmth I felt in my heart. I know I’m cheesy guys but I was really happy okay ㅠㅠ I looked out the window and watched the world go by and just smiled to myself, surrounded by my friends. It was a nice feeling. It really, really was.

The day went by really fast. I was taking pictures like crazy everywhere we went. We ate delicious food, rode Space Mountain with a fast pass - which was so awesome. There was no one in the halls, so they started running down them laughing. I was trying to catch up with them, and Kaley was behind me laughing and we just kept running and trying not to laugh. That was a really nice moment. The picture was very awkward for the ride. LOL. 

We went on Indiana Jones and Jenn and I scared Elizabeth c:. Thunder Mountain is my favorite ride and we got to go on! We went on Pirates for Kaley and I sat next to her and she squealed every time Jack Sparrow appeared haha. Ugh! And then! We went on Splash Mountain. Okay, every one got a kick out of that because I sacrificed myself for them and went to the front, and even gave Elizabeth my jacket because she didn’t want to get wet, thinking, maybe I won’t get too wet. And when I got out it looked like I had taken a shower fully dressed HAHA even though I complained and told them they owed me, seriously, that might have been one of the best parts of my day. Elizabeth felt so bad she bought me a churro and combed my hair for me XD I was soaking but happy and I never wanted to let go of that moment so I bought the picture, despite how expensive it was. I had to. How could I not? Looking at it makes me beam with happiness.

Which was really how I felt the whole day. I took so many pictures. The lighting was like, P E R F E C T. For a while anyway. It was amazing, I just wanted to take pictures of everything. So I did… hehe~

When they went backstage I went with Mae and Anne to ride Space Mountain again and we did a silly pose, and then we watched the band march. Afterwards, things toned down a bit, and we eventually went on the Teacups. The line was empty so Elizabeth, Kaley, Chloe and I rode twice! I got a couple more nice pictures, then we went to get souvenirs. Of course, I already had my souvenir,  the picture on Splash Mountain, and I knew Elizabeth didn’t get herself one so I bought her a miniature version of what she got me last year. You know, one of those Mickey figurines which you don’t know what they will be - but a smaller cuter one, that can be put on a key chain. Gah they’re so expensive xAx but it’s okay. I like spending my money on other people, and she loved it~

I fell asleep on the bus. I was happy. Really, I had been just beaming sunshine all day, and I was exhausted from how much fun I’d had, so I felt content. I was totally dead tired, but in a good way. Satisfied, you could say. Before falling asleep I put on my headphones and listened to a song that I had avoided for a while, called “In the Mourning”. It’s by Paramore, which is a group I try to avoid because it brings back bad memories. But this song I listened to, and I noticed the lyrics sounded precisely like words my heart would sing if it could. I’ll finish my post today with it’s lovely lyrics. Anyways, yesterday was a wonderful day, and I hope I have many more days with those amazing people like that one. Time to post facebook pictures! 

I have a beautiful life with beautiful friends and a beautiful family and I’m so thankful. Truly.

In the Mourning // Paramore

You escaped like a runaway train
Off the tracks and down again
And my heart’s beating like a steam boat tugging all your burdens
On my shoulders

In the mourning I’ll rise
In the mourning I’ll let you die
In the mourning all my worries.

Now there’s nothing but time that’s wasted
And words that have no backbone
And now it seems like the whole world’s waiting
Can you hear the echoes fading?

In the mourning I’ll rise
In the mourning I’ll let you die
In the mourning all my sorries.

And it takes all my strength not to dig you up
From the ground in which you lay
The biggest part of me
You were the greatest thing
And now you’re just a memory
To let go of.

In the mourning I’ll rise
In the mourning I’ll let you die
In the mourning all my sorries.